Gentle Night Weaning

I loved nursing my 5 babies. I LOVE bedsharing. My guess is that you probably do too if you’re reading this. Yet at some point, you might feel like something isn’t working anymore or that something needs to change. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to acknowledge your needs and change things up…even if nursing on demand through the night worked really well for you and your baby during the first year (or two)! I got to the point where I knew I needed better sleep at night to be the mom I wanted to be during the day, but I also wanted the process to be as painless as possible. Here’s my story of how I continued to nurse during the day but honored my desire to be done nursing during the night with all 5 of my toddlers when they were all each around 18 months old.

I remember searching for a solution that wouldn’t require too much crying or feel traumatic (for either of us). Nursing had built a deep connection and trust. Clearly, nursing was amazing and he loved it, but I was TIRED. We unexpectedly got pregnant with #2 when my oldest was only 15 months old. He wasn’t fond of much food yet and stilled nursed for 95% of his nourishment. Shortly after getting pregnant, my milk supply started to drop and by the second trimester, milk was practically gone. This forced him to eat more food eventually but he stilled loved to nurse around the clock. ‘Dry nursing’ can be painful though, especially with the extra sensitivity due to pregnancy hormones. It was especially annoying to lose sleep knowing he wasn’t getting much milk anyway. He was probably just instinctively trying to stimulate more milk production by nursing more frequently, but that feedback loop doesn’t work when pregnancy hormones take over. And did I mention I was desperate for better sleep? I felt torn though. He was still little and I didn’t want to wean him completely knowing that tandem nursing would be a great option to keep us connected when his little sister came.

“Total weaning from breastfeeding isn’t the only way to get more sleep”

After doing some research I stumbled upon Dr. Jay Gordon’s protocol. He’s a pediatrician and fully supports bed-sharing and nursing at night, but he also understands that sometimes change is necessary to maintain harmony and some methods are better than others. In his article, he lays out exactly what to do to stay connected and emotionally present while successfully creating new boundaries and routines over the course of a week.

Sleep, Changing Patterns in the Family Bed

After reading through the protocol a few times I decided it was worth a shot. I waited for my husband’s days off to roll around again and I mentally and emotionally prepared myself. I had no idea what to expect, but I was willing to give the plan an honest shot. The first couple of nights were a little rough - not going to lie. But after the first week, I was seriously wondering why I hadn’t jumped in sooner. It was AMAZING! We were both sleeping so much better and there were no hurt feelings. He continued to nurse through my pregnancy a few times during the day (morning, nap, and bedtime) and was rewarded with an abundance of milk when my daughter arrived. Tandem nursing was really helpful for our relationship AND to manage my insane oversupply. But after 6 months my daughter was able to handle my milk better and I decided to wean my son when he was 2.5 yrs old. We talked about weaning for about a week prior and I made him a personalized book that we read every night leading up to a little staycation to celebrate his big boy status. It was super sweet.
Fast forward another year and we were surprised yet again - baby #3! Knowing what I knew from the first go around, I decided to night wean my daughter at 16 months old. She was a very high-maintenance baby so I wasn’t so sure it would work, but it did! I followed Dr. Jay Gordon’s plan to a “T” and had great results again. She continued to nurse through my third pregnancy and then I tandem nursed her and the new baby for 6 months just like the first two. And then weaned her fully at age 2.5 as well. When I felt ready to night wean my 3rd baby this sweet book had come out ~ Nursies When the Sun Shines. It was such a perfect way to prepare for night weaning. We read it for a few days leading up to starting the night weaning protocol. I highly recommend it!

After my 3rd baby I had a missed miscarriage and so although we ended up having a bigger gap before having our 4th, I still night weaned him around 20 months. He also nursed until he was 2.5. This time I didn’t tandem nurse since our 4th came a few months after. I ended up following the same timeline with our 4th and 5th for both night weaning and fully weaning as the first 3. Not because I mentally felt like it was the right time, it just ended up being the magic timeline even though I wasn’t pregnant again. I am pretty in tune with my body and not only does my sleep become a focus, but nutritionally I start to feel depleted. I’m pretty sure they would have all nursed through the night much longer if I didn’t initiate weaning, but moms can only compromise so much. No one gets a gold medal for nursing the longest. But you do ‘win’ when you embrace the benefits of extended breastfeeding while also caring for yourself. Maintaining your health and positive relationship with your toddler is key too. Breastfeeding is truly one of the best parenting tools, but if you’re not careful it can easily become a crutch as they get older. If you’re looking for ways to communicate effectively and create boundaries (while still maintaining a strong bond) I really love the tools given in How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen.

Everyone is unique and I encourage you to do what feels right. Let go of what you assume is “normal” or what others think. Chat with other parents in a similar stage with similar challenges with similar philosophies. It’s really so comforting to know that no one has it all figured out. Really. And remember: If things are working, no need to change anything! If you’re going through a rough patch due to an illness or teething, hang in there!! Don’t make a big decision when you’re exhausted. You can always re-evaluate in a week or two. You’ll know when it’s time to switch things up! Creating new boundaries takes lots of love and courage, but it’s worth it when the timing is right. I’m here for feedback and ideas!

Here are more suggestions for the all-night toddler nurser if you aren’t quite ready to jump into Dr. Jay’s protocol :)